the pain of awkwardness

sometimes, when a joke bombs,
or when you just don’t know what to say,
the pain of awkwardness can cut deep.

whether it’s sounding stupid (because we absolutely
all care about how we are perceived to others.
don’t act like you’re immune.)
or feeling like you just don’t get it,
awkwardness is practically always painful.

my parents asked me what i wanted for christmas this year,
and i genuinely had no idea what to ask for.
most of my desires are stretch goals of high ticket items
that are largely unnecessary for my lifestyle,
like a fancy office chair or a new monitor.
(my chair works and my monitor works as well.)

so i said.. nothing. just that.. i didn’t know.
it’ll fizzle out to a missed opportunity.
but.. i guess that’s a life lived. the stuff of life
is to make the choices and have the regrets
that you bear as proof that you made choices
that truly mattered to you.

thanks for reading today’s post.
used to be easier to think of random shit to want…